Public Declaration

[benny1967]

I am an upright member of this community and stand for its values.
I go to church each Sunday.
I never masturbate.
I work hard for my money.
I never have fun in my life, and if I accidentally do, I go to my bedroom and pray for forgiveness under the flag of the nation that protects us all.
And if, for some reason, I'd shout something like "**** you all, you bigoted ********" these days, I'd go and wash my mouth with soap immediately.

People should know this about me. I see how important it becomes.

[noobmonkey]

random........
.

[msa]

i'm sure you're a good person :D

[cddiede]

I understand you so much better now. :)

[benny1967]

i'm sure you're a good person :DI understand you so much better now. :)
Holy sh*t, I should have posted this in "Community" and not in "Off Topic". You would have [Thanked] me there for this post, right? :)

(Actually cddiede made me smile... very smart reply ;) )

[Crashdamage]

Hey benny, can you give me a step-by-step on how to post porn taken with a N900? 'Cause now I'm sure you're you're the guy to ask...

[Patola]

How do you avoid masturbation?

[benny1967]

Hey benny, can you give me a step-by-step on how to post porn taken with a N900? 'Cause now I'm sure you're you're the guy to ask...

I reported your post to the moderators. Be prepared. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Streckbett.jpg)

[benny1967]

How do you avoid masturbation?

Avoid stimulating food and drinks, and eat very little meat, if any. Keep the colon clean through yogurt enemas.
Masturbation is also prevented by bandaging or tying your hands, covering your genitals with (patented!) cages, sewing the foreskin shut and electrical shock.

(Taken from here (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Harvey_Kellogg#Views_on_sexuality).)

[fms]

They are after you.
Do not let them take you alive.
Kill yourself.
Now.

[benny1967]

Kill yourself.
Now.

Suicide is a serious sin and as such probably against the rules of this forum.

[ysss]

I feel peer pressured to start a thread of my own with my personal declaration...

[fms]

Suicide is a serious sin and as such probably against the rules of this forum.
Then do not kill yourself in this forum, do it somewhere else!

[RevdKathy]

I am an upright member of this community and stand for its values.
I go to church each Sunday.
I never masturbate.
I work hard for my money.
I never have fun in my life, and if I accidentally do, I go to my bedroom and pray for forgiveness under the flag of the nation that protects us all.
And if, for some reason, I'd shout something like "**** you all, you bigoted ********" these days, I'd go and wash my mouth with soap immediately.

People should know this about me. I see how important it becomes.

Damn. I am such a sinner. :D

[festivalnut]

I am an upright member of this community and stand for its values.
I go to church each Sunday.
I never masturbate.
I work hard for my money.
I never have fun in my life, and if I accidentally do, I go to my bedroom and pray for forgiveness under the flag of the nation that protects us all.
And if, for some reason, I'd shout something like "**** you all, you bigoted ********" these days, I'd go and wash my mouth with soap immediately.

People should know this about me. I see how important it becomes.

wow. i've found my complete opposite! always thought u'd be taller

[YoDude]

Avoid stimulating food and drinks, and eat very little meat, if any. Keep the colon clean through yogurt enemas.
Masturbation is also prevented by bandaging or tying your hands, covering your genitals with (patented!) cages, sewing the foreskin shut and electrical shock.

(Taken from here (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Harvey_Kellogg#Views_on_sexuality).)

I heard leaches work too.

[benny1967]

I heard leaches work too.

where do you put them?

[benny1967]

Damn. I am such a sinner. :D

ah... we all know that. i envy you for getting away with it all the time. ;)

[fpp]

Jeez... PR1.2 better appear fast, and it better be all it's expected to be... or all is lost :-)

[mullf]

I am an upright member of this community and stand for its values.
I go to church each Sunday.
I never masturbate.
I work hard for my money.
I never have fun in my life, and if I accidentally do, I go to my bedroom and pray for forgiveness under the flag of the nation that protects us all.
And if, for some reason, I'd shout something like "**** you all, you bigoted ********" these days, I'd go and wash my mouth with soap immediately.

People should know this about me. I see how important it becomes.

I am an upright member of this community and stand for its values.
I masturbate each Sunday.
I never go to church.
I work hard for my fun.
I never have money in my life, and if I accidentally do, I go to my bedroom and register for a new porn site under the flag of the nation that hosts said site.

[eiffel]

...and you've never been told off by the mods, unlike benny1967 apparently!

[Laughingstok]

I live in sin

[RevdKathy]

I live in sin

I don't live there, just visit for holidays now and again.

[bonerp]

I am an upright member of this community and stand for its values.
I go to church each Sunday.
I never masturbate.
I work hard for my money.
I never have fun in my life, and if I accidentally do, I go to my bedroom and pray for forgiveness under the flag of the nation that protects us all.
And if, for some reason, I'd shout something like "**** you all, you bigoted ********" these days, I'd go and wash my mouth with soap immediately.

People should know this about me. I see how important it becomes.

none of the above :D

[qwerty12]

I used one hand to type this reply; the other hand was ...errm... busy.

[Switch_]

LMAO @ qwerty12

[cashclientel]

wtf is this all about?
have i missed a joke?

[javispedro]

Mæsturbate comes free with PR1.2.

[zehjotkah]

wtf is this all about?
have i missed a joke?

dito.
half an hour without tmo (way from work to home) and missed the fun... :-(

[HRZ]

Mæsturbate comes free with PR1.2.

nice! does it illustrate how exactly to pull off 'The Stranger'?

because every effort has led to more of 'A Past Acquaintance Whose Name I Can't Remember'

[benny1967]

I used one hand to type this reply; the other hand was ...errm... busy.

LOL

you'll be banned. oh my dear you're history already ;)

[Sopwith]

I am an upright member of this community and stand for its values.
I masturbate each Sunday.
I never go to church.
I work hard for my fun.
I never have money in my life, and if I accidentally do, I go to my bedroom and register for a new porn site under the flag of the nation that hosts said site.

LOL! Where's my thanks button? :D

[Venemo]

LOL! Where's my thanks button? :D
Anywhere, just outside the Off Topic section, sadly!

[Laughingstok]

I see this thread going places.

[festivalnut]

I see this thread going places.

since its making me laugh i can see it going closed. sadly. :(

[jcm6084]

15 year old lad
Drink alot, occasionally a bit of weed, lots of masturbation and lucky bit of sex every now and then :D
Man My life is a sin LOL

[festivalnut]

15 year old lad
Drink alot, occasionally a bit of weed, lots of masturbation and lucky bit of sex every now and then :D
Man My life is a sin LOL

i'm telling your mum!

[Glasswalker]

OK lads and ladies.... whatever drugs you do... you'd better change them ASAP *lol*

Happy sining,
Glasswalker

PS: alc, every now and then dutch additions to tobaco, and somehow my right arm is more muscular than the left ^^

[Laughingstok]

Would be hard for this thread to get closed seeing as it's in Off Topic.

[jcm6084]

Love the tag 'Having fun is bad'!

[daperl]

I live in sin

I am sin. A trinity actually. I keep me and myself locked in a closet.

[Laughingstok]

I am sin. A trinity actually. I keep me and myself locked in a closet.

What are the three parts of sin?

[kryptoniankid17]

sometimes i have women dress like hulk hogan and have them beat me with a weight belt. I have erectile disfunction and cant afford viagra. And its the only way i can get off.

[Laughingstok]

sometimes i have women dress like hulk hogan and have them beat me with a weight belt. I have erectile disfunction and cant afford viagra. And its the only way i can get off.

*backs away slowly*

[jcm6084]

Basically SIN = FUN

[festivalnut]

i used to be a good boy but then i realised how boring heaven would be, no drink, drugs, sex, (accompanied or solo), or loud music...

but the whole burning for eternity in a firy pit whilst having my eyes plucked out and being jabbed with red hot pokers aint appealing to me either...

so what i want to know is, how do i get the job being the guy holding the poker and doing the eye-plucking? i reckon i'd enjoy that. enquiries at my local job agency have been somewhat fruitless.

[jcm6084]

i used to be a good boy but then i realised how boring heaven would be, no drink, drugs, sex, (accompanied or solo), or loud music...

but the whole burning for eternity in a firy pit whilst having my eyes plucked out and being jabbed with red hot pokers aint appealing to me either...

so what i want to know is, how do i get the job being the guy holding the poker and doing the eye-plucking? i reckon i'd enjoy that. enquiries at my local job agency have been somewhat fruitless.

Have you considered a managerial role in one of Nike's factories?

[festivalnut]

Have you considered a managerial role in one of Nike's factories?

lol!

i was considered too sadistic and revelled in other peoples misery. they directed me towards a career with microsoft.

[daperl]

@benny

All your answers can be found here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlBiLNN1NhQ). And there's almost-naked men as a bonus for you.