im no theif. but surely the first thing hes gonna do is power off the device? as most phones have a custom ringtone thesedays.

the first thing people do is call there phone if its been pinched!
if its off you aint gonna get nout from ssh. and when they do power it up your gonna have to be at your terminal when they do right?

i love you ideas but i think it would only apply if the tea leaf was a complete idiot? and doesnt ssh need an internet connection?
you need the ip to connect to the device?
your sim wil the first thing to go.
i maybe wrong?