Yes, I have to admit that my collectiong uptime on my N9 is more or less a vanity action. "just be cause I can".

However I disagree with you on the latter points. I see no merit in the waste you call "modern websites" and nice enough I don't have to use those. (what are they anyway, have not came across any really??)
I can surf the sites I need pretty well, for example TMO works okay.

And what are those communication platforms you so desire; I can use voicecall, email, sms, irc... In fact I have never needed anything else.
(not exactly true; we had a passing fad in the company where we used slack but it was abandoned after a while for the basic and reliable ones, email and irc...)

As for connections; in my country both 3G and 4G are pretty ubiquous and for that reason so many people have migrated over to 4G that it happens so that currently 3G is very uncognested and provides speedy and reliable connection.