As for windows programs, in a nut shell this cannot be done. There have been a few attempts with emulation but the hard ware has been very troublesome (Arm vs x86 and all that) due to compatibility. Also there are many Linux variants that DO run fine on Arm Linux,you might want to try GIMP or Open Office for example perhaps? Very few phones if any will run those as full programs, okay Adobe has their "mobile Photoshop" but that is nothing more than a re-badged Kodak EasyShare photo edit suit program.

For the rest of your Android rant, you appear to be asking for APL or Alien Dalvik... This had been discussed many times before, and yet we still have the same out come. This community is a fan/developer based forum who do mot have the funds to perform such tasks. Yes it would be nice, but as a whole there is no funding for the licencing of such a project and starting from scratch will take a very long time. Like I said, this had been talked about in detail before.

Hope this may have help? I know the search function can give many answers too