A Modest Proposal
 

(with apologies to Jonathan Swift)

(EDIT, AS SOME PEOPLE DON'T GET IT: THIS IS SATIRE. THIS IS NOT A SERIOUS PROPOSAL.)

We all know ordinary mobile device users are unqualified to report bugs, and generally produce far too much white noise to discern anything useful from what they say.

As they obviously have nothing useful to contribute to the Maemo project, they should be taken out of the picture so we can concentrate on the real work of building a solid Linux platform.

The solution to this problem is clear:

People who want to buy a Maemo device should have to pass a test. Nothing complex, just the basics like "what is a repository?", "how do I become root?"... really simple stuff that everyone ought to know. Once you pass the test you'd be issued with a "Maemo licence" which would allow you to buy devices which use the platform.

Obviously this would annoy the most casual users who just want to buy a device and use it straight away without putting any real effort into it. But these are exactly the kind of time-wasters that Maemo would be better off without. Who needs all these mainstream airheads anyway, right?

So, every time someone tries to purchase an N900 they should first have to fill in a brief multiple-choice quiz to confirm their prior knowledge. We can then be sure they are capable of making a useful contribution to the community.

What do people think? ;)

Re: A Modest Proposal
 

I agree, but only if the same rule is enforced for Windows users :-)

Re: A Modest Proposal
 

I think I detect a touch of satire in this post, lol. However, you touch on an aspect of Maemo going 'consumer' that I worried about - people coming from the Symbian world aren't going to want to (in most cases) submit bug reports, follow up, etc. They want out-of-the-box usefulness.

How will Maemo, which is largely driven by community participation, going to work with/around them?

Re: A Modest Proposal
 

Hmmmm......no ignorant purchases...kinda like no drunk dialing...

Wouldn't it be simpler to have to pass a quiz to register for the forum? No ignorant posters? Naaahhh...they're too much fun.

Re: A Modest Proposal
 

What is a forum? :D

Re: A Modest Proposal
 

Well think of them this way, they have no preconceptioons on how things currently are so bring an air of fresh thinking with them. With technology to play with it sometimes becomes a confusing blur of what to impliment.

Re: A Modest Proposal
 

Thanks for the one-star rating, whoever that was. :)

Re: A Modest Proposal
 

Oh dear. I fear I had better cancel my order right away, since I clearly ordered under false pretensions. I have never had 'root access' (well, there was that time I dug up the fuchsia), I don't know what a SDK is (I'm a Super Duper Knitter?) and the first time I read something about the maemo repository I read it as suppository. Which is something rather different.

So I don't qualify.

Can't we have a two level qualification? A Maemo Enrolled User (MEU) for ordinary users - you need to be able to turn it on, connect to your network and type 'google' into the browser - and a Meamo Registered User (MRU) for those capable of the toughest stuff. Then we could have Maemo doctors (devs) Maemo Consultants (Nokia staff) and Reggie could get to be Matron in charge of us all (Oooh! Matron!)

Yeah, I know, there's a serious point here. I'm looking forward to having a bug to file and creating mayhem when I try. ;)

Re: A Modest Proposal
 

Hmm good idea :) But why stop by banning some people from the N900..this could be widened to all things in life...
Well you made me laugh Krisse and I thank you for that :)

Re: A Modest Proposal
 

Well... I am not sure about the quiz, but maybe insuring that the people in question are at least able and willing to read more than a single sentence of text at a time is not such a bad idea...

Re: A Modest Proposal
 

I think the only test that is really needed for any forum is..

1) Can you locate the search

Re: A Modest Proposal
 

Aahaha good one. I thought this thread was about the email client :)

Re: A Modest Proposal
 

Can we please boil and eat all those who don't pass the test?

Re: A Modest Proposal
 

As long as they are adequately tarred and feathered first.

Re: A Modest Proposal
 

In other words, the only people who we want to report things they can't get to work are people who know how to work around things that don't work the intuitive way, and probably won't take the time to report the things for that reason?

Re: A Modest Proposal
 

If you think this is a serious propsal, I think you ought to read what I wrote again... ;)

Re: A Modest Proposal
 

There's a comedy skit in here somewhere. I mean, what if Satan decided he/she wanted to be a Maemo Greeter:

"I see from your idiotic question, and this being your first post that you must be running for F*cktard President. Welcome! And don't forget to visit our popular 'Buy and Sell' section. We only use the best in Nigerian escrow services. Finally, would you mind taking a quick survey? We're always trying to improve forum quality, but it just doesn't work without user feedback. We know surveys can sometimes be inconvenient with a busy schedule, so thank you very much for your time. Here we go: Since you are obviously too much of an a*shole to use search, please describe how you found us?"

Re: A Modest Proposal
 

Needless to say I don' personally agree with that quote...

Re: A Modest Proposal
 

I lol'd :)

Might I add to that questionnaire:
"If you find a bug, please follow the procedure below;

- Are you part of the 95% of the customers we don't want to hear from?
[ ] Yes
[ ] No

IF yes - then please leave and shut up.
If no - please proceed to bugzilla.

Do you understand how to enter a bug report?
[ ] Yes
[ ] No

IF yes - congratulations. We won't tell you when it will be resolved or if, but please keep buying products running on this OS - and continue to support our community. I'll mark some of your posts with "Thanks". Karma is serius bizns.
.
If no - please leave and shut up. Don't question it.

Re: A Modest Proposal
 

Okay, as some people obviously don't get that this is satire, here it is explicitly:

Obviously a test like this is ludicrous and self-destructive. No sane person could seriously propose a test like this.

The point I'm making is that anything which requires prior knowledge is effectively acting like a test. The obscurity and lack of user-friendliness in maemo.org and Bugzilla is acting like a test. The contempt for casual users by certain individuals on this forum is acting like a test.

The whole future of Maemo as a device platform depends on casual users buying Maemo devices. We need them, so we ought to be thinking a lot about their needs.

Re: A Modest Proposal
 

I think Nokia should hire you to replace Rick Simonson.

Re: A Modest Proposal
 

Apologies, sorry about the rant just got out of bed to start nightshift brain wasn't fully engaged, anyhow.... great idea lol.

Re: A Modest Proposal
 

Crucial Test is understanding the emoticons :):(:confused::mad::p;):rolleyes::o:D:cool::eek:

What a motley crew they are.

Re: A Modest Proposal
 

So can I start using this as my signature? ;)

Re: A Modest Proposal
 

Maybe this could be like the haiku thread. Everyone posts their version of:

"maemo.org is so casual-user unfriendly that..."

I'll go first:

[me]: maemo.org is so casual-user unfriendly.

[the crowd]: How casual-user unfriendly is it?

[me]: It's so casual-user unfriendly, that when I click on my Subscriptions link, my browser even tells me to go f*ck myself.

Now you try.

Re: A Modest Proposal
 

Can I make sure we're distinguishing between 'unfriendly' and 'user-unfriendly'. ;)

Maemo-org is friendly. I've been many, many places on the net a hella lot less friendly and welcoming than here. It's the systems that are unfriendly. If you're new to all this Bugzilla might as well be named Godzilla for scare factor. And Brainstorm isn't much better. And don't get me started on multiple log-ins... But talk? Talk is vBulletin. Which is pretty easy to use (unless you're a mod or admin and have the 'infraction' component loaded...) And the people are,mostly friendly. (Well, unless you tell them that their system is user-unfriendly.. they don't like that!)

Bugzilla ate my butterfly collection.

Re: A Modest Proposal
 

To tell the truth: I find brainstorm even worse, because the search in there doesn't really work and because, well, it has a confusing user interface (although I like the possibility to vote directly with thumbs up/down).

Bugzilla just takes get used to - and yes, it would be great if entry fields you can/should not change as a reporter would be greyed out or completely removed when reporting a bug.

But as said before, it hopefully keeps the "ZOMG! My Google is not working!" out. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose :)

Re: A Modest Proposal
 

That's like saying command lines just take getting used to.

Bugzilla is simply not a viable way of collecting bug feedback from mainstream users.

Re: A Modest Proposal
 

Is that statement incorrect in some way?

...and that is exactly what GeneralAntilles originally meant when he said that most users are not qualified enough to file (Bugzilla) bugs. Fortunately, mainstream users can file their problems with Nokia Care, like they always have with Nokia devices.

Re: A Modest Proposal
 

That's just a different way of saying what GeneralAntilles said.

EDIT: oops, fms beat me to it!

Re: A Modest Proposal
 

oh how about this.

if you enter life. you have to pass a certain DNA test. If your DNA is showing you'll be someone with stinking humor like yourself, you cant go through.

its not serious.. just wanting to hear your comments..

Re: A Modest Proposal
 

The original proposal, as far as bug reporting goes, is not too bad, imho. Just make sure the following is implemented:

1. The score from the entry test is NOT disclosed to the user submitting the bug;
2. The score from the test is used as a weight parameter to determine the importance of the issue.

That way, no one will get offended, as people generally believe in their own competence and will be confident they scored well. OTOH, issues arising from ignorance will be played down automatically.

I am serious.